My day is good

15 Mar 2010 2 Comments

by sandraheron in Uncategorized

as long as I don’t engage with (fill in the blank – this can be anyone).  This strikes me as funny today.  I just came back from a long walk with my dog.  It is glorious out, here in Ottawa.  I live in a beautiful place just outside of the city, surrounded by forests, the streams are running, the grass is peaking up and I can even see evidence of the 200 tulip bulbs I planted last fall.

As I come into the house and start engaging my daughter with rules, “say thank you when I do something for you”, “empty the dishwasher before you go out to ride your bike”, I feel my irritation immediately go up.  She wants to be away from me and I want to be away from her.

So when someone calls and asks me how my day is going and the response in my head is, “great as long as I don’t engage with _____” , I smile, because I know, that what I just said was, I am great as long as I don’t engage with mySelf.  I find this funny as I know that I get this with other people in my life.  People at a safe distance like other people  in WEL-Systems experiences.  However, the real motherload for me is my partner and my daughter.  I am just engaging with myself.  Wow!  I love March break miracles.  This is my third one, and it is only Monday.

Oh, you want the more.  Okay I will share with you my other miracles, this March break.  I used to be the kind of mother who saw her main purpose in life to, “knock the socks of my daughter.”  So, I found it curious that  I was not booking a family vacation.  So, come Friday, our cat decides to leave this world and I hold her and experience her spirit leaving her body.  It was one of the most meaningful experiences of my life.  Did I doubt myself in the last hour, yes, and I knew that the answer was not to run to the Vet and give her a needle, it was to hold her, keep her warm and tell her to do what she wanted.  I could never be a nurse and yet now I understand how one can care for someone who is passing. It was an honour.  I also know that I would not have left her in her final hours and got on a plane.  My body did not want me to buy a ticket, and I got to be present.

More, I am not so interested in doing the traditional March Break activities anymore.  When I “worked” the week in my pajamas was enticing.  No so much for me anymore.   For my daughter, it is.  So, she creates a cough and a sour throat, not the most wonderful things to have going on while sunny south.  So, we are going with the flow, she is playing with friends, I am doing what I want.  For now, writing here.  Can you imagine, everybody creates for ourSelves, everyone lives fully.

I love this expansive life.

Sandy

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