Speak and Grow
16 Feb 2010 Leave a Comment
What a morning, what a conversation!
I am reaping the rewards from blogging yesterday. In a conversation with Amy this morning, I got the more. I love this about blogging. I don’t seem to come to a conclusion, an answer that I want to share with the world or impart. If I have a leaning to, “report on the weather”, I know that I am falling back to the left side of the line. So, this morning what comes up for me is the metaphor of throwing up. Yesterday I wrote about an experience that I was seeing as throwing up and expecting someone else to put “me” together for the world to see.
With the recent blogging of Naomi and Amy’s shared experience in the program room, what came up for me is the more in the, “throwing up.” I get this distinction. Not a throwing up on someone, a throwing up, a gutteral, physical reaction in the body that could not be ignored, so I throw it up to see it, look at it, own it for myself, so that I move more and more into who I am.
Throwing up at someone is a completely different experience. I know that everything changes in my house when there is a charge in me, I can make it up and call it anger and my mouth fires off. This is throwing up on someone. When this energy comes up in my body, I shut my mouth (not all the time), drop my shoulder and you know the rest. What? I am woman, I have been kept small long enough, I must speak, yell, have my words heard and felt. Nope, that in that moment, when the movement is so big, again playing with words here as we all know it is just energy, rage, fear, anger, pick a word. And I know a greater distinction and that is when I am engaging with my child or an other adult. This is huge. So, own it don’t give it away.
This is a completely different way for me to look at my experience at developing my web page. It is something that I own, throwing things up, allowing everything gutteral to come up and be expressed. This is how I create. It is normal for me. If I own it. Own every element, draw, paint, express, create space.
So, if a project I am playing with is not flying along, you know, like my life, I now play with other aspects of propelling forward, and ask myself, what constrictions, which I got yesterday, are only distractions are present. Then it is a more full picture for me. Not good, or bad, right or wrong, just a more full, expansive few of propelling forward.
I like this view of my world.
