This is the summer of my life unfolding

I love when words start appearing from other women, I note them and keep walking in my life and then, “oops there it is.” This summer, no the last three years have been about journeying into what I don’t know I don’t know.

At the start of my journey into what I don’t know I don’t know it was more of a tough knuckle walk with little breath, and yet, how powerful of me, even when my life was still very externally referenced to walk out the corporate door, laugh, cry and ACT on the fact that at least it isn’t that.

I have created a summer without plans, as many of you know I have a partner and a ten year old. They would have been comfortable a long time ago, living moment to moment AND I was not there. This summer, I opened to the experience and the opportunity for each of us, “to be.” I am not saying that it was always pretty and I am saying that I was more present than ever before in my life. This freedom I felt in all of the levels of me from the environment to who else, constantly and effortlessly. As opportunities for experiences come up, simply breathing asking myself do I want to do this in this moment or is creating something else what calls to me, right now. Upsetting family (of choice or origin) let the sun shine there too. I chose not to make commitments ahead of time, and even in two incidents when “I did not show up” because of story, everything changed in a second because as soon as I got honest, the conversation that resulted was incredible. A summer of feeling the water on my body when I swim (in a two piece looking 9 months pregnant), and where I know that creating is simply investing in myself, where I start to let go of the definition of a good mother and simply live moment to moment and trusting my body.

This leads me to the people in my life. I was driving down the highway the other day and I came to wonder why I have a few friendships that have lasted for so long and why I still love to be in these womens company after all these years. Then the green dot moment, every conversation I have with these friends propels my life forward and in the words of one friend when discussing this with her, “right back at you.” I love this, I grow and become bigger in their presence and so do they. Since I moved to Ottawa, I deliberately sought women like this out. As some of you know I found WEL-Systems by googling, there have to be women who are fully alive in Ottawa. This choice has expanded my life again. I rarely have a conversation with Marie in which I don’t wave right there and then in the conversation, I love meeting Amy where ever she is and feel my reflection in her growth. These feelings in my body drew me to think of the many people who have appeared on my deck over the years and I wondered about friends that still feed me after all these years, there are not a huge number of them and it could change at any time and that is okay too, yet what is the element? It hits me, “be careful the company you keep.” Then yes, the awareness in my body. Every time I talk with my friend Kathy, I grow and expand, my lungs feel more alive AND we move forward in every conversation. I love this. It is the same with my friend Trudy, every time I see her, I feel this pull to run to each other and talk about what is feeding us in the moment. It is exciting and alive.

That is what draws me to write about today, honestly there is so much that draws me today that choice is the only decision I have to make. My belly is huge and descended. Lucky me that my body actually physically looks like it is giving birth, oh what the hell, I am. I feel everything now. I always had the feelings in my body, my body has always been there capable of so much more and yet I did not know how to listen. The information was stored, as it started to metabolize, it was huge and sometimes it still is, sometimes it is bubbles and it is gentle, others is is like a knife. All information for this Sekment Rising. I am not a walking zombie anymore and now the ideas, concepts, feelings, awareness everything, the whole package of who I am. I see the genius in the way I lived my life and I love the formal education I received, not for my first major (love my Master’s, why because of the conversations – enlivened conversations) for the time, so many years of not going to work, reading when I wanted having discussion in coffee shops, being introduced to other cultures and experiences. I didn’t have the awareness of MY body then, as the experience, my body will never lie to me. Trust me, it was talking, I didn’t know where to go for the conversation, so being the genius I was, I shut it down more. If my body had been attached to my head all my years in University than, wow! and that is okay too. I did not know what I know now.

For me, today, second chakra experiences have moved into first chakra. All third chakra pain has passed and all I have to do is breath.

Thank you, if you did not show up for yourselves, and I can see the program room full of god forces right now, I may have stayed asleep much longer.

Sandy